If there were one thing that I wish I failed at, it would be to fail at judging. Of course judging helps a person be more cautious or make wise decisions…sometimes…I’m speaking about the kind of judgment that builds walls so that people are only stuck with a very limited view of life.
Before coming to Chennai, I spoke with a professor at school who had spent many years working in India. He was the perfect person to talk to because he knew much about the eye care plus the culture and life in India. I was excited to meet him.
The professor asked me some questions first to get to know me more. He questioned my motivations for going to India and I had mentioned that I had been to developing countries in the past—all under Christian church organizations and that my experiences from the past affected my decisions to go…etc etc. But the moment I said “Christian” he stopped me and then proceeded to give me a talk on not judging. I remember leaving the office that one day, hurt. I was hurt because of the connotations that “Christian and developing country” meant to people at the forefront. How I wished that the professor, and so many others, would dare to know the gospel at its core…where human judgment has no part in it. How I wished that day to challenge that view and go to India, and not judge.
But judging has been my most common theme while I’ve been here. And every time I fall into it, I get a good slap in the face because the more I know and realize the more my judgment crumbles. I had mentioned earlier that getting to know a new culture and new people are very similar processes. Well, fun stuff, I got the double whammy of learning to deal with both new culture and new people in the past 2 months (there’s a constant rotation of new volunteers every couple weeks or so, some stay long, some stay for a short while).
I was talking to another volunteer about this, and she mentioned that as humans, we’ll always judge, there’s no way out. I almost agreed, but I think using absolute words like “always” tends to forget a few things. So what I’m seeing and in end, hoping, is that though humans will judge because it is our natural tendency…that the wall we initially build will start lower and lower as we grow up. I mean, that’s going somewhere right? Because honestly, one of the saddest things I’ve seen here is when judgment keeps people from hoping and keeps anything good or beautiful…unnoticed. And I wonder myself, how many times have I let God pass in front of me because I was so stuck in my own judgment.
So in retrospect, the professor’s words were wise words. Though it took a stab at me at first, I can say that I have thought back to that conversation the most while here. Plus he’s been one of my most responsive supporters every time I send my updates and I’ve come to really respect him. Guess I shouldn’t have judged him for judging. Haha. Oh life.
Well, I seem to be writing in the same pattern where thoughts come first, and then my to-do's of the week/day come next. For those who'd like to know what's been happening lately...:)
Today I went to another eye camp, which was more enjoyable than most. I've been working on a very simple project which deals with educating the people about basic eye care needs through posters. At the camp today, I had a trial-run to check what improvements could be made to the posters and asked one of staff who could translate to help. After the translator informed a patient about the information on the poster, the translator told me that what the patient had learned was all new information.
A flutter of feelings went through me once I heard that. At once I was saddened because the information on the poster was as simple as: "please eat whole grains, exercise to keep healthy, sleep 8 hours a day, visit your doctor once a year..." I was sad because I couldn't believe that someone would actually not know any of the health precautions listed on that paper. Yet, at the same time, I was really, really happy. Let me tell you, very rarely does an English speaking volunteer in India feel that he/she has made a touch of difference (it's humbling I guess). But in my head at the moment, I felt like I was going to be teacher in the future. Ha, but a second later, it's nurse, or a public health worker, or yah, okay I'm tangenting.
In one of my earliest post I had written on not basing my worth on "making a difference." But I believe that imparting valuable change to another person's life is something humans innately are meant to do...which I find different than placing my worth on it. What happened today with the posters, was in reality, probably insignificant :) But nonetheless...it sparked in me something that I might pursue in the future. Maybe this will give my parents some peace (Mom I know you read this...:)) that their daughter is heading somewhere, finally...:P
YEP, that is all for now. Coming to the point where I'm becoming really reflective as my time in India is closing. What craziness. Until next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment