an hour ago i came back from the international church i've been going to every sunday and discovered something in myself that's really interesting and kind of sucks at the same time. i'll explain. the pastor of this church preaches to a pretty large audience every sunday and his sermons are broadcasted both on television and online. the past few sermons have been to me more on self-help than anything else.
so with all the above in mind, today i went to church already expecting the same. already, i came assuming that the pastor was once again more concerned about pleasing the listeners (with such a broad audience) than preaching straight from the heart of the gospel. already i came assuming that the sermon was not worth listening to if it was going to be another "how-to-deal-with-this-when-you're-in-this-problem" type sermon. as i result i half-listened during the service today. and then every time a long shpeel of praisethelord and hallelujahs came from the pulpit i automatically assumed that this was just another product of structure and routine.
i don't understand why or how, my perspective has become like this within the past years or so. but i'm not here to point fingers on how this came to be. trying to discover something else. on the way back from church today, i talked to kevin, a long time brother and friend, about the service and he told me about a lot of good points the pastor had made today. i listened, and i realize that my cynicism blinded me from realizing the goodness that still existed. my knowledge about the gospel, although i've tasted and heard and experienced the goodness of this gospel, my assumed self-righteous knowledge of the gospel did not allow me to realize more. which actually, if i really knew this gospel, would have nothing to do with self-righteousness at all.
perhaps i've lost hope in Christianity today. oh no, not Jesus himself. but Christianity today. but maybe, even more telling, is my reliance on my own knowledge of what the gospel should be...and even if that perspective MIGHT be closer to some human-centered version of it, i've lost the complete essence when it keeps me from hoping, from trusting that God is not done working in his people, and that this working may look different than i expect. who knows, as kevin reminded me, someone else in the congregation may be saying those praisethelords and hallelujahs with all their heart. a verse i read recently before today (funny, it hits harder now):
"Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." -Romans 14:4
"for the Lord is able to make him stand..." man. beautiful. *shakes head, i've strayed away from the gospel while claiming to know it at the same time. what crazy twisted-ness.
far easier to be cynical than to hope. far easier to trust in my own knowledge than to be humbled. far easier to judge than to give someone a chance.
let the true gospel speak, and let us never think we've got it all. at least in this lifetime.
amen
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